I have had a number of pets during my life but never really been sure why I wanted to share my house or garden with what is basically a wild animal.
I’ve never been convinced that anyone ‘owns’ a pet and I’ve never seen a caged bird that looks happy. Some pets, I’m sure, don’t even realise they have a keeper and some can’t wait to escape.
So I wondered what might be beneath the desire to keep these living creatures in our lives – but, as often, not too seriously.
Budgerigars – possibly kept by those who secretly want to be prison wardens.
Hamsters – for people who want to teach children about death.
Bees – ironically, are they often kept by people who dislike crowds?
Chickens – flashy creatures who all taste the same under the feathers.
Cats – ideal for those who want to house a god they can cuddle.
Dogs – ideal for anyone who wants to be seen as a god.
Fish – the perfect pet for anyone who lack empathy.
Tortoises – a great pet if you can’t sustain interest all year round.
Horses – for people who can afford the pet equivalent of an all terrain vehicle.
Rabbits – kept by people who enjoy enforced celibacy.
Snakes – an ideal pet for those who struggle to form friendships.
Reptiles – suitable for anyone who likes birds but hates feathers.