Christmas day had reached its nadir. Presents unwrapped, turkey and roast potatoes nestling heavily in both Jerry and Carol’s stomachs. Wine had been consumed, chocolates eaten out of a sense of duty, even a few nuts had been cracked and consumed. Both their children had retired to their respective bedrooms to count the money they had received and plan their online purchasing assaults.
“Can we leave it until tomorrow to get the brass out, please, I’m whacked?” Jerry yawned.
“You know we’ll oversleep and then they’ll be here, and it will all be hugely embarrassing.”
“I suppose you’re right. Just give me ten minutes.”
It was the same routine every year. It had been since they were given a small brass elephant by Jerry’s brother and his wife. That was twelve years ago. Every year they debated the possibility of putting an end the farce. Every year they prevaricated until Christmas was almost upon them and other duties took priority. Carol sighed and kicked Jerry’s slippered foot with hers.
“Can’t we just be honest this year?”
Jerry ignored her. It had started as a laugh, the kids were enrolled in the play action and sworn to secrecy. But after twelve years the joke had worn thin. Neither of them entered the charade with the enthusiasm of those first two years.
“I’ll get them out, “Carol said wearily. But she didn’t more.
“No, I’ll get them. Can you find me some Indigestion tablets?”
Jerry was holding his stomach as he stood, very much regretting the second helping of Christmas pudding, custard, and cream. He dragged himself to the sideboard and got down onto his knees. From its hiding place at the back of the cupboard, Jerry pulled out a small box. He sighed at the weight of it, both physically and emotionally.
“We don’t even have a proper fireplace any longer. They look completely stupid.”
Carol came back with some tablets for Jerry and put the box on the coffee table. Between them, they took twelve small brass animals out of the box. They were each wrapped in tissue paper to prevent them getting scratched. The tissue paper went back into the box, and the box was returned to the depths of the sideboard cupboard.
“We’re going to need a bigger box if this goes on much longer. You’ve got to say something to Marcus, we have to end this.”
Two elephants, a tiger with orange eyes, a surprised looking camel and a variety of other animals, all brass, all hideous, were carefully lined up in front of their log effect electric fire.
Jerry stared at them. He didn’t know what he could say to his brother that wouldn’t sound offensive.
“We could always tell them we’ve been burgled,” Jerry suggested. “And bury them in the back garden.”
Charlotte had emerged from her bedroom and informed her father he was marginally mad.
“Do you really think a burglar would steal those things?”
“Probably not,” Jerry accepted. “But it might be worth a try.”
George also made an appearance. His friends must have disappeared from the video game world he habitually lived in.
“I quite like the tiger. Can I have it if you bury the rest. I could hide it at Christmes. Uncle Henry will never know.”
Carol spotted an opportunity.
“I don’t suppose you’ve taken a liking to any of those beautiful little sculptures, Charlotte?”
“I have taste.”
Charlotte sat on the sofa, her phone acting as security screen between her and her parents.
Jerry and Carol both retreated into silence. Or almost silence. You could still hear Jerry scrunching the indigestion tablets between his teeth.
“Dad, why do we have to keep up this stupid joke with Uncle Jerry and Auntie Carol? It stupid.”
Michael explained to his daughter, as he had to every Boxing Day, that he and Jerry had always teased each other, and that Jerry had nearly always won. This was his victory, and he wasn’t going to spoil it by letting him off the hook. Peter was cool with the whole idea, or indifferent to it, it was always difficult to tell with a boy whose only topic of conversation was music.
“Honestly Michael, I’m with Penny.”
“But I found the perfect present this year. You’ve got to let me have one more go.”
His wife and daughter both shook their heads slowly. Sometimes he thought Penny hadn’t been born, but simply cloned from his wife.
Michael and his brother rarely met in their own homes other than at Christmas holidays. Both their wives had large families, and they lived just too far away to make a comfortable round trip in a day.
They pulled into the drive and Michael flicked on the electric handbrake.
“Made it. Now the fun begins.”
Carefully wrapped, in the boot of Michaels car, was a present for his brother. But first he had to see whether they had got all the previous gifts out, as they did every Christmas, in the pretence that they liked them.
After they had finished with the normal rounds of hugs and kisses, and casual hand signals between the four teenagers, drinks were offered and presents exchanged. Jerry and Carol opened each one in trepidation that a new brass animal would appear, but none did. Jerry was slightly confused and wondered if he’d missed something. But Michael suddenly sprung out of his chair, putting his hand over his mouth in feigned shock.
“Oh my god, I almost forgot.”
He rushed out the room and they heard the front door open, the car bleep as he opened the boot. Michael reappeared with a huge parcel. Jerry and Carol exchanged glances and Carol shook her head. Jerry couldn’t believe that even Michael could have found a brass animal that large.
He put it on the floor and told Jerry that it was a special thirteenth anniversary present. Jerry started to unwrap it but had no idea what he was looking at. It wasn’t a brass animal, which was a huge relief, it looked more like some piece of industrial kit.
“What the hell is it, Michael?” He asked, completely puzzled. Opening the lid on the top he looked inside. “Is it for making soup or something?”
“No,” Michael said. “It’s a small smelting furnace. You can even melt brass in it.”